Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
