Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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