I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
