He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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