Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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