we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
