When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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