just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
