Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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