The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
