he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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