I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
