you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
