lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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