I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize