super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
