call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Randomize