3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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