when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
