Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
false alarm. still invincible.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
