The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
