If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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