Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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