The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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