8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
