Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
