I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
