Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize