Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
This is classic penis vs brain.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
