CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
