remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
