Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The uberlube is also flammable
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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