my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize