I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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