Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
