If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We need to get me chipped asap
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
