remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
