Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
