I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
