I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
