like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
God gave him joint rollers for hands
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
