what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
