I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize