Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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