5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
