how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
