I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Houston, we have a blender
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She needs sedatives and a leash
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
