I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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