I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
