I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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