On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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