Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
