so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
