she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
