Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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