Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
