I'm eating all of the evidence.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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