You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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