At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
