Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
