So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
