we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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