Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
