apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
