just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Randomize
