so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
