I am in a vortex of obligation.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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