dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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