Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
no you cant smoke seaweed
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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